Wednesday, March 31, 2004 Goodbye March
A big day in the broadcast world. The liberals have started
their own 17 hours per day, talk show network. It's headliner,
comedian? humorist? author? Al Franken. Like 'em or not it's going
to be interesting to see what comes of this new broadcast stream.
Here's their web page. Air
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
The peregrine falcons have returned to Fargo. The male has positively
been identified as Dakota Ace and the female is believed to be (but not
confirmed) the returning Frieda. The Falcon Cam is on and you can see the
happy couple. Also, there is a very nice gallery of pictures.
FLY WITH ME
Monday, March 29, 2004
Getting ready for the big Easter celebration? Got to have
some jokes in your back pocket! Here's a ton of riddles the well
equipped table-meister needs.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Wednesday, March 24, 2004 Happy Birthday-Bruce Gjovig!
Think those pictures that you get emailed to you are real? Think
again! So many are fakes, and with today's modern editing equipment,
you going to see lots more. Here's some of the best!
THAT'S A FAKE FOR SURE
Tuesday, March 23, 2004 Fabian's Birthday!
How many times have you been driving along, it's a nice day and then
IT HAPPENS. A car passes you and it's got one of those bumper
stickers on it. You squint, you try to focus, you even
speed up just a bit to keep it in your sight, and then you realize it's
one of the funniest little tomes you have read.
Well...here's a whole list of bumper funnies!
onday, March 22, 2004 Kim Holmes, Sanders1907, Birthday
I don't know about you, but there was a time when I thought I could
stop caring about the quality of my prose. That it was somehow
quaint and acceptable to type notes/messages/info just the way I speak.
HOWEVER with so much communication now being done from the mind to the
fingers to the keyboard to the screen to the eyes to the mind, well,
it's time to get back to correct phrasage, punctuation and spelling.
Here's a GREAT primer on accurate writing. If you read through it
you'll see that we ALL have a lot of improving to do!
Friday, March 19, 2004 Attend the FISH FRY of your choice tonight.
I'ts NOT Bindus Diena day, but Superstitions abound. Where did
these come from? Was there a master Superstition book? I got a
list of Do's and Don'ts that goes WAY BACK and you better follow
these or YOUR FUTURE COULD BE DIM!!! and we don't mean DIM SUM.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Latvia, Bindus Diena was a festival observed on
March 18, the day after
Kustonu Diena. It was later named Binduli Diena, in honor of
St. Benedict[?]. It was associated primarily with insects.
Everybody must be awake before the sunrise. Water must not be poured
inside barns. The backs of the cows, and the barns' ceilings, must be
washed. Bears were believed to wake up on this day, but then fall back
asleep. Bringing firewood in on this day will bring snakes with you.
Rushes, twigs and straw will also attract snakes. Potatoes and cabbages
can not be planted on this day.
Alternative: Binduli Diena, Benediktu
Dienu, Bimbulu Dienu
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Tuesay, March 16, 2004
Monday, March 15, 2004 The Ides of March
Tis Spring the Birds are on the Wing, the Bees are Buzzing and I don't
feel like Studying! (a poem I wrote in the 5th grade!) Well
those birds are on the wing and they're heading this way. Do you
have a feeder and fresh water station out? It's Time!
There's over 270 type of birds that we should be able to identify here.
SO GET AT IT! Here's a great sige about the Pine to Prairie Birding
Trail...a great place to see a few more on your list!
Friday, March 12, 2004
On our travels this week we saw a pleasing site. Live Rooster
Pheasants along the road! Wow, it's been years. Did you
know that you can order frozen pheasant, ready for your table?
Here's a great place for learning, viewing, ordering, Pheasant of any kind
and type. Pheasant.com
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Storming out there? What's that? It's March, there
shouldn't be any storms! Do you remember the big ones in the past?
Here's a list going back to 1835. I'll bet you'll remember some.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Homeward Bound... But a stop in Pipestone MN.
Stop here if you're traveling by!
Tuesday, March 9, 2004
ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP! Jackson/Spirit Lake
Monday, March 8, 2004
ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP! Jackson/Spirit Lake
Friday, March 5, 2004 Support your Local Fish Fry!
So just what do you think a share of "presidential" stock should be worth?
What makes their stock rise and fall? Are 100 shares of Sharpton
really worth 1 share of Kerry? Follow the stocks and their
Thursday, March 4, 2004
They've got schools to learn to be a carpenter, they've got schools to be
a computer operator, but there doesn't seem to be any schools for learning
to be a criminal. Cause if there were, the folks who made our cool
site today sure wouldn't be so embarrassed. Some hints...don't
write a "rob the bank" demand note on your own deposit slip! Don't
go streaking and leave your car running WITH YOUR CLOTHES IN IT.
Chimneys are not the best way to access a building to steal from it!
Get more "lessons" at Dumb
Wednesday, March 3, 2004 MY 10th Year Anniversary back here at
WOW, 10 years ago today I arrived here from Tennessee. Moving van,
motorhome, and the last full sized Bronko (a '78) that Ford made. So
many things HADN'T happened yet! The World Trade Center was
standing, I hadn't met ANY of what were to become my seven foreign
exchange students, Lorie, my significant "other" was still quite alive, my
God-daughter had just turned 10 years old, both my God-parents were with
us. I had only been to Europe one time ('83) and had never been to
Israel, Turkey or England. So much has changed, and I have had an
entire lifetime of experiences. Regrets? As Sinatra says,
"I've had a few." But as the song continues, "But then again, TO FEW
TO MENTION!" So based on tradition, this is my "Aluminum or Tin"
Anniversary. All presents accepted! Here's the traditional and
modern gift lists...take your pick.
Tuesday, March 2, 2004
Hey, if March is coming in like a Lion (did you slide home last night?)
That means that it's time for garden plans. WHAT? you're not
putting in your own private crop? Well it's not to late...sign up
for your free seed catalogs TODAY!
Burpee.com and Gurneys.com are
the place to start, but use your search engines and find ALL SORTS of
unique seed houses.
Monday, March 1, 2004 Will it be a Lion or a Lamb!?
Did you see it? Was it to political for you? Are you
trying to write the next Lord or the Rings? Get to it! But do
you even remember who got best actor last year? Or best film in
1999? Will we remember LOTR in 2007? Check the winners list!
Need some advance planning for the next big awards show buffet that you're
going to spread? Check out what this food critic suggests!
Set your stage for award winning munching!
Friday, January 27, 2004
What will they think of next? How about a tool, a hand tool
that you can use to eat all sorts of finger food! No more will
your fingers be covered with oil (or butter) and salt. No more will
eggroll juice need to be licked from the fingers. YES the Popcorn
Fork has arrived. No self respecting family should be without one!!
As our listeners know, there were no shows here as John was a guest at
the local hospital. Thanks to some good medicine and tender loving
care he's all better now!
Thursday, January 19, 2004
Wednesday, January 18, 2004
Tuesday, January 17, 2004
1. Microsoft Works 2. Healthy Tan 3. Jumbo Shrimp 4.
Work Party 5. Dodge Ram 6. Virtual Reality 7. Tax Return
8. Working Vacation 9. Head Butt 10. Pretty Ugly
11. Peace Force 12. Tight Slacks 13. Plastic Glasses 14.
Taped Live 15. Same Difference 16. Living Dead 17.
Silent Scream 18. Personal Computer 19. Alone Together
20. Government Organization NOT ENOUGH OXYMORON FOR YOU?
Here's More! OxymoronList.com
Monday, January 16, 2004
Have you heard about a BLOG?
A blog is basically a journal that is available on the web. The
activity of updating a blog is "blogging" and someone who keeps a blog is
a "blogger." Blogs are typically updated daily using software that allows
people with little or no technical background to update and maintain the
blog. Postings on a blog are almost always arranged in cronological order
with the most recent additions featured most prominantly. AND there's
some REAL UNUSUAL BLOGS on the net. This is one of the more
interesting ones I've found. This guy takes a picture of all his
Pasta Meals! Which coming from Rome, are almost EVERY DAY.
Check out the entire set!
Stefo.net How about someone
who takes a picture of himself every morning. Here's EVERY DAY
It's the DAILY PHOTO Project
Friday THE 13TH, 2004 I'm NOT SUPERSTITIOUS.
But it's kind of interesting that Barbie and Ken breakup JUST BEFORE
VALENTINES DAY! I'm thinking one of them is crying today. But
NOT Mattel...3.2 BILLION last year alone! Visit the History
of Barbie and friends here!
OH KEN, I
LOVE YOU JUST NOT IN THAT WAY
Thursday, February 12, 2004
As promised here are some riddles you'll have to think about....answers on
Not enough for you?
some sleepless nights if you CLICK HERE
A man had to go to an important
meeting and he had to ride his horse to get there. He left on
Friday afternoon and came back three days later on Friday. How is
What is lighter than a feather, can
be seen by the naked eye, and if you put it into a barrel it will
make it lighter?
What walks on four legs at the beginning then walks on two legs
in the middle then walks on three legs in the end?
As I was going to St. Ives I met a man with seven wives, each
wife had seven sacks, each sack had seven cats, each cat had seven
kittens. How many things were going to St. Ives?
The man who invented it doesn't want it, The man who bought it
doesn't need it, The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it?
There was a legend that there existed two tribes that looked
exactly alike, lived in two different places and one tribe told
the truth and one told lies. The tribe that told the truth had a
great treasure to anyone who would or could drop by... One day a
hiker was looking for the famous tribes and came across a fork in
the road. Out appeared two people from the two different tribes on
each side. With only asking the same one question to each person
(knowing that one lies and one tells the truth) he found the right
tribe and found the treasure. What question did he ask?
A father and son were in a car accident. An ambulance took the
father to a hospital 4 miles away and the son was taken to a
different hospital which was fifty miles from the accident. When
the son was taken into surgery the surgeon said "I can't operate
on this patient because he is my son" How can this be?
His horse's name is Friday ** a hole** man: 4 legs-baby crawling,
2 legs-standing up, 3 legs-old man with walking stick** one
('As I was going to St. Ives')** a coffin **Can you
take me to your village? **tt is his mother
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Here is the Recipe for last Saturday night's Dinner
Classic Tuscan Roasted Leg of Lamb
promised, this was our dinner.
Serves 6 or so 5-6 lb leg of lamb,
trimmed, boned and tied (Have butcher trim excess fat from the lamb and
tie into roast.)
4-6 whole cloves of garlic, peeled (I used about 1/4 of one of those
little jars of chopped garlic)
1 tsp. coarsely chopped fresh rosemary (or more)
1 tsp. coarsely chopped fresh sage
2 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black peppercorn, cracked
1 onion, skinned and halved
2 stalks celery cut into 2 inch lengths
2 medium carrots
Preheat oven to 450°F Cut 1 inch slits in the lamb and
stud with garlic. In a small bowl, mix herbs, mustard, oil and seasonings
into a paste. Coat the lamb evenly with the mixture, using a rubber
spatula. Place lamb in large roasting pan. Place onion, celery and carrots
around the lamb. Roast lamb 60-70 minutes for rare lamb (longer if you
prefer well done). Remove from the oven, set vegetable aside and let
stand 15 minutes before slicing. (I like 1/2 inch slices of lamb!)
Spoon juice from the pan over the lamb before serving. Serve on a large
platter surrounded by roasted vegetables of your choice. (We had it
with Roasted Potatoes and Pea Pods and it was GRAND!)
Tuesday, Feb. 10, Up and alive at the Holiday Inn Express
near the Mega-Mall in Bloomington. Those cinnamon buns that they
advertise just aren't that great, but otherwise the hotel is a good value.
Driving up I94 to I29 in Fargo, then north to Grand Forks. We hit a
Snow & Blow about Hillsboro, but just ducked in behind a semi and made it
home in Jig Time!
Monday, Feb. 9, The last "warm" morning. Lebanon Indiana.
Holiday Inn Express, new/super clean/great staff! Boys had
been up till 2:30 am swimming/lifting weights and hanging in the hot
tub, so they weren't to anxious to get up and hit the road....OH WELL!!
We're on our way! Lunch in Chicago with a good friend
named Judy. She lives walking distance from Wriggly Stadium!
Went to Ann Sather's AWESOME!
Then out of Chicago as rush hour started. Wanted to Stop at my
FAVORITE Chinese restaurant in Eau Claire, Yew Chin's
but Alas, it was Monday evening and it was closed ;-)
Sunday, Feb. 8, Quiet breakfast, Lunch at Macaroni Grill, got to
be one of my favorite Italian eateries! Then departing for home
about 5pm. Made it as far as Lebanon Indiana.
Saturday, Feb. 7, Quiet day at B&B. Hit a bunch of
antique stores in afternoon, looking for TEA WARMERS and CLEAR GLASS
TEAPOTS. Could NOT find any, guess what I'm collecting is
REALLY RARE! Tuscan Lamb for dinner. An OVER THE TOP GREAT
Friday, Feb, 6, Knoxville, University Tour and also
Maryville Tour, weather cleared, Fabian "for sure" wants bigger school VS.
small school. Back to B&B in Franklin about 7pm.
Thursday, Feb. 5, 9PM off to Knoxville and the University
of Tennessee. Arrived about 2 in the AM. BAD rain storm the
entire way. Semi's kicking up lots of water. Drove 55
MPH rather than 70. Country Suites hotel.
New...clean....great room, crisp sheets!
Wednesday Feb 4, We arrived at Franklin Tennessee just in time for
Lunch! Bed & Breakfast was even more awesome with a completely
remodeled (in the traditional style) dining room.
Tuesday Feb. 3, After morning radio shows we drove all day.
Finally near Kansas City the snow cover lightened and the temperature rose
a bit. So many cars in the ditch!
Monday Feb. 2, Afternoon, we left for Tennessee! We went down
I 29 and got as far as Brookings South Dakota. I, Fabian and Simon,
both from Germany, both on their first cross America trip.
Monday, February 2, 2004 Slight delay but
TENNESSEE is in front of us!
As promised, here are 2 cool sites.. First, all the ads that makes
the Super Bowl more than "just a football game!"
ads on video AND just a little bit more about groundhogs
day...cause after all, it is Feb the duce.
It was all Germany's idea
Friday, January 28, 2004 3 Days till we broadcast
Thursday, January 29, 2004 4 Days till we
broadcast from Tennessee!
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 5 Days till we
broadcast from Tennessee!
We think of this cold as being ubiquitous, but really, our cold
snap and record tying cold reading are just a blip on the world weather
map. Check this site out, satellite pictures of other places,
with 1,000 mile dust storms, and other incredible views!
What to be part of the National Cyber Alert System?
Here's the Place
Tuesday, January 27, 2004 6 Days till we
broadcast from Tennessee!
What ever you want to call them, SUN
DOGS, MOCK SUNS, those funny things in the sky, now's the time of year to
experience them! Sort of like a reverse rainbow, they circle the sun
and forebode even colder weather. Watch for them in the coming days,
usually late afternoon. Or watch for them here.
SUN DOGS PLUS and
here SUN DOGS EVEN
Monday, January 26, 2004 7 Days till we broadcast
OH Sure you hear about these big fancy ski
resorts, with hot and cold running ski wax, but really how often do we
just go down the road a piece. The heck with those fancy
Colorado skiing reports, here's where the action really is!!
and even for the
Friday, January 23, 2004 10 Days till we
broadcast from Tennessee!
Can it get any colder? The weather man/men/women say
YES and it's heading out way! So how about some COOL Jokes to warm
you up. Most are new-to me anyway!
Now that's FUNNY
Thursday, January 22, 2004
11 Days till we broadcast from Tennessee!
Let them sing it for you
Ever feel like you could express yourself better in a song? Well here’s a
little something for those of you who see life as one big, soppy musical.
Swedish group Sveriges Radio have devised a site where you can type down
“sung” messages and
email them to your friends.
Creator Erik Bünger has compiled a
database of cut out words from Top 40 chart hits. For example, when you
type “I”, the familiar vocals of Chris Issac from his tune “Wicked Game”
can be heard. The same for Kylie Minogue from “Can’t get you out of my
head” for the word “every”.
Write your own
Wednesday, January 21, 2004 12 Days till we
broadcast from Tennessee!
Here and HERE only we have exclusive new pictures from the unit
that's on MARS! Check out these shots!
This first shot shows a panorama of the Martian landscape.
And yes sadly, environmental pollution - or at least littering happens
even on Mars. Here's a casually tossed away wrapper from one of
their popular candy bars. We have figured out that the spoken
language on Mars is much like German, and so this logo translates to
"earth" - get it? An "Earth" Bar!
This the last photo before we lost contact
Tuesday, January 20, 2004 13 Days till we
broadcast from Tennessee!
It's been talked about for a LONG LONG Time, and TODAY (Not Tomorrow!) is
the day that we move to adulthood! Yes it's the day for the
long expected Colon test. Remember, IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT!
As our oft time guest Dr. Eric says, "It's one of the best screening tools
we have today, and it can SAVE YOUR LIFE!" Ask your Dr. about it!
Monday, January 19, 2004 14 Days till we
broadcast from Tennessee!
As promised and as part of our announcement that "We're Goin' to
Nashville!" Here's a slug of country song titles that should have been
hits!! How Can I Miss You if
You Won't Go Away, is only one of them!
TGIFriday January 16, 2004 17 Days till we
broadcast from Tennessee!
VISIT PENNSYLVANIA...BRING CASH!
PENNSYLVANIA...RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO OHIO!
PENNSYLVANIA...JUST LIKE CALIFORNIA BUT WITHOUT THE FUN STUFF AND NICE
PENNSYLVANIA...WHERE PEOPLE LIVING IN FLORIDA GREW UP.
COME TO PENNSYLVANIA...SURE NO GAMBLING, BUT WE GOT PERIGEES.
COME TO PENNSYLVANIA...CUZ WE NEED THE MONEY.
PENNSYLVANIA...SOMETIMES IT'S OK...SOMETIMES...NOT OFTEN.
WHERE GAMBLING IS STILL ILLEGAL...PENNSYLVANIA.
PENNSYLVANIA...C'MON, TAKE A CHANCE!
PENNSYLVANIA...NO LEGAL GAMBLING!...ILLEGAL, THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
PENNSYLVANIA...CUZ YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO VACATION SOME PLACE NICE.
PENNSYLVANIA...LAND OF BIG TAXES AND BIGGER WOMEN!
PENNSYLVANIA...EVERYBODY'S LEAVING SO THERE'S ROOM FOR YOU!
PENNSYLVANIA...NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK. CLOSE THOUGH...
WHY PENNSYLVANIA? BECAUSE...UMMM...IT'S NOT FRANCE!
STEEL MILLS ARE GONE SO IT'S OK TO BREATH...SORTA. PENNSYLVANIA.
PENNSYLVANIA...WHERE I NICE VACATION IS ONLY A PLANE TRIP AWAY!
PENNSYLVANIA...GET OVER IT!
PENNSYLVANIA...SOMETIMES THERE'S SUN.
PENNSYLVANIA...WE'RE OK'D BY THE FDA!
PENNSYLVANIA...EASIER TO SPELL THAN MASSACHUSETTS!
WE'VE GOT A PLACE FOR YOU...PENNSYLVANIA!
PENNSYLVANIA...NO SHARK ATTACKS!
PENNSYLVANIA...MOST OF OUR ROADS ARE PAVED.
PENNSYLVANIA...IT'S NOT A GAMBLE.
INTERCOURSE, BLUE BALL, BIRD-IN-HAND, NANTY GLO...ALL IN PENNSYLVANIA!
PENNSYLVANIA...OUR 2 BIGGEST CITIES START WITH "P".
PENNSYLVANIA...NO GAMBLING SO YOU CAN'T LOSE!
DO IT IN PENNSYLVANIA...OR DON'T.
AND ON THE 8TH DAY, GOD MADE PENNSYLVANIA. MISTAKES HAPPENS.
PENNSYLVANIA...WE'RE OK, YOU'RE OK.
WHY PENNSYLVANIA? BECAUSE IT HAPPENS!
PENNSYLVANIA...NOW YOU DON'T FEEL SO BAD, DO YOU?
Need more state's Slogans? Check this:
can't say that about our state! Or This list of Minnesota Slogans:
Minnesota: Land of
Thursday January 15, 2004
As part of our regular business, we are looking at websites every day.
Today's Cool Site-Pick of the Day, is chosen, not because of what it's
trying to sell you, but because, if you have ANY interest in quality web
sites, you must peruse this one!
budlight.com demonstrates that old "saw" of truth that says..."You
can't be too rich, You can't be to think, and YOU CAN'T SPEND TOO MUCH
MONEY ON YOUR WEB SITE! Just look what a combination of
artistry, commitment to a great web site, LOTS OF MONEY, and great
financial backing can create! Perhaps the finest website I've seen.
(NOTE: John Reitmeier's Cool Site-Pick of the Day does NOT endorse this or
any website visited. Viewers need to make their own decisions about
the suitability of the products or services offered. We suggest
sites as a point of information.) Today's website WILL TAKE OVER YOUR
Wednesday January 14, 2004 My father's 89th Birthday!
Happy Birthday Dad!
How many Simpson's Episodes have you seen? So many of them have Bart
writing things on the blackboard, but it goes by so fast that it doesn't
sink in! Well, here they are. Some are over the top
funny! Bart's Remarks
Tuesday Jan 13, 2004
Here's some AWESOME pictures from around the world. Many places I've
been to and seeing these pictures brings back such great memories, and the
places I haven't been to make me desirous to make a trip to see them!
Monday Jan 12, 2004
The world is a changing place....what once took a million dollar editing
machine can now be done on a 2,000 dollar computer. So a group
called moveon.org decided to run a contest
called "Bush in 30 Seconds" for young people to create a "lets get down on
the President" video. Here's the 14 finalists. I don't
particularly like this organization or what they're trying to do, but the
commercials are very creative and worth watching.
Friday Jan 9, 2004
HAPPY FRIDAY some smile makers for you!
Tom and Fred were coming out of a corn field on the opening day of
Minnesota's pheasant season. Passing in front of them on the road was a
hearse and long procession of cars, escorted by a police car. Tom stopped,
called his dog, took his cap off, and stood quietly at the side of the
road with his dog while the funeral procession passed by. Once it had
passed, Tom and his dog rejoined Fred. "Wow" Fred
exclaimed, "You sure do show a lot of respect for the dead!" "Jane
was a hell of a wife." Tom replied, "I'm going to miss her."
Ice Fishing In Minnesota
A cocky young boy was ice fishing one Minnesota winter. Despite his
patience, he couldn't get even one nibble. Compounding his frustration was
an old man, not twenty feet from him, who caught much more than his share
throughout the day. "Hey old man", yelled the boy. "How'd you
catch so many fish?" "MM-mmmuh-MMMh-mmhh", replied the man. "What
did you say?" "MM-mmmuh-MMMh-mmhh", replied the man.
"What?" Ptwt!!! spat the man. "You got to keep your worms warm,
There were two old boys
from Florida who just love to fish, and they wanted to try some ice
fishing. They'd heard about it up in Minnesota, and they took off up
there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before
they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One
of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick." So they got
that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the
shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks." Well,
the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He
sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he
was back. Said, "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait shop man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked,
"how are you fellows doing?" "Not very well at all," he said. "We
don't even have the boat in the water yet."
Lena, Ole and Lars go
No collection of jokes about Minnesota would be complete without at least
one or two about those favorite (Norwegian) son's and daughter of our
state.... Lena, Ole, and Lars went deer hunting on the first
day of Minnesota's Deer Opener. They hunted all day, and late in the day,
Lars was cold, so he headed back to the truck. While he was waiting, Ole
appeared from the edge of the woods, dragging an enormous 8point
buck. Lars helped Ole load the buck on the truck, then took some
pictures. It was only then that he thought of Lena. "By the vay, vhere is
Lena?" Lars asked. "Oh - she is in da' voods 'bout 2 miles back vit
a broken leg" Ole replied. "You left Lena in da' voods?!" Lars
yelled. "It vas a hard choice" Ole nodded, "but no one is
going to steal Lena..."
Ole was out on the lake one day in the fall. A loon flew by, and he shot
it. Then he took it home, cleaned it, cooked and ate it. Well, as these
things go, the local game warden heard about the offense, and came looking
for Ole. When questioned by the warden, Ole admitted he had done the deed.
Ole was subsequently ticketed, taken to court, and fined by the local
judge. After the court appearance, the warden was curious, and
asked Ole about it. "Say Ole, what did that loon taste like"?
Ole replied - "'Vell, it vas pretty good - Kind of like a cross b'tween
Bald Eagle and Trumpeter Svan..."
Minnesota's fishing opener was fast approaching. Ole called Sven to to see
if he was interested in making the trip "Oop Nort'" to fish for the big
ones. Ole, knowing that Sven enjoyed a brew now and then,
informed Sven that he had a couple cases of beer that he was bringing.
Sven said "I vould love to go fishing Ole, but I have a case of diarrhea."
To which Ole replied "Vell, bring it along, ve'll drink dat too!"
This beautiful blonde decides she's gonna surprise her boyfriend by
learning how to ice fish. So she gets her gear, ventures out, finds a spot
on the ice, sets up her umbrella, table, cappuccino... She
picked up her auger, and began to bore a hole in the ice. A voice from on
high roars: "There are no walleyes under that ice!" So she looks over her
shoulder, then picks up her things, find another spot on the ice, sets up
her umbrella, sips on her cappuccino... She again begins to bore
herself a hole in the ice. Again, the voice from on high roars: "There are
no walleyes under that ice!" Again, she looks over her shoulder, picks up
her things, finds new spot... Just as she begins to bore a hole in
the ice, the voice again says: "There are no walleyes under that ice!" So
she turns, looks around, and nervously asks, "Are you God?" To which
the voice answered: "No, I own the ice rink!" Which caused all the
Norwegian Perch fishermen around the end zones to laugh out loud!
The Sioux and Bison
One season, the Bison and Sioux ended the year tied. Every tiebreaker the
conference had was used to break the tie, but the tie remained. Which team
would be the Champion?
The professional NFL
office was consulted. They said to figure it out locally, something like a
coin toss would be fine.
Well, North Dakota being
the fishing states it is, someone got the idea of a 3-day fishing contest.
Both teams agreed. And they took them all to Devils Lake.
On the first day, the
Sioux caught 100 fish, while the Bison caught none. On the second day, the
Sioux again caught fish, 200 this time. Once again, the Bison were
Things were looking bad
for the Bison - their coach was desperate. He called one of his players
aside, and dressed him in green and white. "Go over to the Sioux camp and
find out what they're doing!" he was told.
The Bison player
returned a couple of hours later. "I know what they're doing Coach!" he
reported excitedly. "Well what is it? asked the Coach.
"They're drilling holes
thru the ice...." came the reply.
The was a duck hunter who was tired of hunting with out a dog. He did
research and read about the various breeds, then began to visit breeders
and their kennels. One breeder particularly impressed the hunter. His dogs
were well behaved, obeyed well, looked healthy. The breeder was very
emphatic about his dogs, especially with their training for hunting
waterfowl. He even offered to show the hunter his dog under real field
conditions. The breeder and hunter took Jake, the dog, to a nearby
wetland. The breeder stopped his truck by the road, let Jake out, then
told the hunter "Now we wait". Jake took off toward the wetland. After
about 15 minutes, Jake returned. He sat down, raised his right foot, and
barked three times. "What does that mean?" the hunter asked.
"Three puddle ducks" the breeder replied. "I don't believe it." the
hunter responded. "Ok - we'll check" retorted the breeder, and he
started walking toward the water. As they approached the water, three
mallards got up. "Wow - that's fantastic" said the hunter, "I'll
take him". So the hunter got out his checkbook, and Jake became a member
of the hunters household. Duck season opened. The hunter and Jake
approached the first wetland. Jake was sent in, and soon returned. He sat
down, raised his right foot, and barked once. The hunter approached the
water, and soon took a fat mallard. So went the season. One day, Jake
raised his left foot, and barked 4 times. Puzzled, the hunter approached
the pond, and jumped two pair of divers. "Ah-ha" the hunter murmured.
Soon it was the last day of duck season. The hunter and Jake went hunting.
Jake was sent in, as the usual practice. Soon he returned, barking as fast
as he could, he didn't sit, instead, he grabbed the hunters leg with his
paws and legs, and began to hump against the hunters leg. The
hunter was shocked, he pushed Jake away. "Bad dog!" he shouted. But Jake
wasn't done. He next grabbed a stick, and started shaking it from side to
side. The hunter had enough. He pointed his shotgun at Jake
and shot him! Then he drove to the to the kennel, furious with the
behavior of Jake. He demanded his money back. Once the hunter
calmed down enough to tell the whole story, the breeder just shook his
head in disgust. "You don't understand, do you?" he asked.
"What's to understand - the dog went crazy." the hunter replied.
"Don't you see?" the breeder asked. "Jake was telling you that there were
more ducks on that pond than you could shake a stick at."
Ole and Sven were having a good time while fishing on a small lake in
northern Minnesota. They were drinking beer and feeling no pain when Ole
hooked a big one. His prize catch was no fish though; it was a lamp and
when he rubbed it a magic Genie popped out. The Genie was grateful to be
set free and to reward his rescuers, he granted them one wish. Without
hesitation, Sven blurted out that he wanted the entire lake to turn into
beer. The Genie nodded his head and the lake was instantly transformed
into a sea of beer. Ole was furious - he turned to Sven and yelled "You
idiot, vhy did you have the Genie turn the lake into beer?". Sven was
surprised Ole's anger and asked "Vhat is wrong with a lake full of beer?
Ve’ll never run out of beer while were fishing again." Ole replied, "Yes
the beer is great, but now ve’ll have to pee in the boat!"
The New Truck
Sven got a new truck ya know. So he calls up Ole and says, "Ole, I got me
a new truck! Do you vant to go ice fishin' vith me?" "Sure!" says Ole. So
Ole vent vith Sven (Lena come along too cuz she vas doin' nuttin' anyvay).
Vell, Sven and Lena sat in the front seat and Ole sat in the bed of the
truck. Dey vere on de ice ven all of de sudden de truck vent right through
the ice! Now even though Sven and Lena are pretty big people, dey managed
to get out of the truck, up to the surface, and back on top of the ice.
They vere getting pretty worried about not seeing Ole when he finally
popped up. After helping Ole get back on the ice, Sven says,
"Ole vat took you so long?" "Vell," says Ole, It took me a vhile to
figure out how to open de tail gate."
Lars and Torvald are out in the big voods in northern Minnesota when
Torvald falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes
are rolled back in his head. Lucky for him, Lars vas dere, and
whipped out his new fangled cell phone, and calls 911. He gasps to the
operator, "My friend is dead! Vhat can I do?" The operator, in
a calm and soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First,
lets make sure he's dead......" There is a silence, then a shot is
Thursday Jan 8, 2004
Do you know what SPEBSQSA
stands for? We often joke
that it stands for the Society to PREVENT Barbershop singing...but that's
not really what it means. It's the Society to Promote and Encourage
Barbershop Quartet Singing in America! And what a great group it is!
I don't care if you're not generally interested in listening to
singers...I've never seen anyone who was dragged to a concert who didn't
end up enjoying what they heard and saw! These guys (and Gals known
as Sweet Adelines) really enjoy what they do, and it it contagious!
Here's a monster list of songs that have been modified/adapted/created
especially to fit the rules of Barbershop singing. I'll bet there's
some songs in here that you know!
I'm Singing in the Rain...and the
Shower...and the Street...and well just about everywhere!
Wednesday Jan 7, 2004
Gee Honey, what's there to do this winter? WOW I don't know, we're
all mall-ed out and I'm tired of flying to the Bahamas! I
know...let's see what there is to do around Minnesota... What's going on
this winter in the Border Waters Canoe Area... Well as far as I
know, they're all shut down for the winter! WRONG>>>>>Check
out all that's going on in the BWCA
where BRRRRRRRR takes on a whole new meaning
Tuesday Jan 6, 2004
Oh the weather outside is Frightful, but inside it's SO DELIGHTFUL,
specially if you're full of warm hot _____________(fill in the blank!)
We've got adult warm-ups, and great kiddie things to welcome those cold
visitors. For the
For the big kids!
Monday Jan 5, 2004
Just how cold can it get on this Blue Marble? Or how Hot??
Well here's the extremes that have been recorded around the globe.
Severe Weather Extremes
It was the month after Christmas and all
through the house
nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
at the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef-nicely rared,
the wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
and the way I’d never said, “No Thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
and prepared once again to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself, as only I can “you can’t spend a winter disguised as a
So---away with the last of the sour cream dip,
get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
every last bit of food that I like must be banished
till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie----not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome and life is a bore,
but isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Friday Jan 2, 2004
New Years Resolutions you Can Keep
1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less. Makes you think.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
6. Don't date any of the Baywatch cast.
7. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
8. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball
9. Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
10. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
11. Don't have eight children at once.
12. Get in a whole NEW rut!
13. Start being superstitious.
14. Personal goal: bring back disco.
15. Don't wrestle with Jesse Ventura.
16. Don't bet against the Minnesota Vikings.
17. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.
18. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
19. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
20. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope
for a belt.
21. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
22. Don't eat cloned meat.
23. Create loose ends.
24. Get more toys.
25. Get further in debt.
26. Don't believe politicians.
27. Break at least one traffic law.
28. Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
29. Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.
30. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
31. Stay off the MIR space station.
32. Don't worry that the Y2K bug will cause the end of the world.
33. Get wired with high-speed net connections at home.
34. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
35. Associate with even worse business clients.
36. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.
37. Wait around for opportunity.
38. Focus on the faults of others.
39. Mope about faults.
40. Never make New Year's resolutions again.
- submitted by Jokes4U.
Thursday, January 1, 2004 Hello, let this be a great year too!
"A little review! WOW What a great year it's been! I've
been 4 (count em, four) times to Europe this year. Did you listen
along? Each time was a different trip and so much fun! I
learned things about countries and towns and people and food and drink and
social customs in so many places. There were four fishing trips.
The Governors trip was kind of a bust, but "WOW Awards" go to winning the
Lake Superior Media Fishing Challenge, and big Kudos to the folks at
Sportsman's Lodge in Baudette for guiding me to the biggest walleyes of my
life! I made a lot of new friends this year, re-activated lots of
past relationships and I think I had some personal growth-along with
loosing 28 pounds. (does that sound like a contradiction? ;-) and
for the last and final time I've opened my home to a Foreign Exchange
Student. Fabian is a great addition to my little family and we thank
God for that and all the blessing that came my way in the past year!
I hope your coming year and years are full of Joy and Happiness.
Please join me in Praying for PEACE...in our homes, communities, country
and the world. john"
The 2004 list of words that should be
banished for ``misuse, overuse and general uselessness,'' according to
Lake Superior State University:
-Metrosexual: An urban male who pays a great deal of attention to
-X: As in ``X-Files,'' Xtreme, Windows XP and X-Box.
-Punked: To dupe, popularized by the MTV show ``Punk'd.''
-Place Stamp Here: Printed on return envelopes.
-Companion animals: Also known as pets.
-Bling or Bling-Bling: Flashy jewelry.
-LOL: E-mail speak for ``laugh out loud.''
-Shock and Awe.
-Shots Rang Out.
-Ripped From the Headlines.
-Sweat Like a Pig: The problem is pigs don't sweat.
-In Harm's Way.
-Sanitary Landfill: Also known as a dump.
Get the rest of the list and explanations here:
© 1999 copyright John Reitmeier / theminute.com - all